A crush

PART I — July

A

Thoughts, stretching further out

Dreaming a future

with you

with you

Joyfully fanning the fire

With desires, ideas

of you

of you

Planning our wedding, I am

Enjoying my bubble of

delulu

delulu

B

You grin at me,

Just look at me —

And all my thoughts

stop.

No words, but my body talks:

Let me press into you —

Feel your electricity

arc into mine.

I want to fuck you

with my eyes

While you fuck me

with yours.

I want to fight you

with my hips

Show you who’s boss

(it can be you).

I want breakfast together — 

make a coffee,

smoke a joint,

— take me back to bed.

PART II — September

Now I know you a little better

I feel more at ease

The urge to fuck and fight

has relaxed.

Now, now I want to melt into you

while you hold me, contained.

I want to receive you

your thoughts, your ideas, your hidden self.

You hold my hand.

You kiss me in the dark.

You play our fucking song.

Please don’t be my ruin.

Part III — December

Ohhh gorgeous man

It wasn’t you, after all.

My heart took a fall, but —

I’m not ashamed of love.

I was drawn to learn

… something… from you.

We always learn —

Though not always what we came for.

I learned about what you do

In your life, your passions, your projects

(Some of it I filed “don’t do” — 

All data is useful...)

I learned about myself

What I used to accept

What I won’t anymore — 

I am new.

I am grateful too

For experience, growth, insight;

For how sweet you were — 

Until you weren’t.

It’s okay.

My heart is clear

My heart is full

My heart is capable

My heart grows.